Who Killed Me?
by HeiLong
Summary: Hinata gets married to Kiba. Naruto is devastated and drowns in sorrow. rated for very slight swearing. R&R please. constructive criticism welcomed and appreciated, flames laughed at. [COMPLETE]
1. Regret and Remorse

(A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed my latest fic! I appreciate your corrections and reviews. Here's a new one. Enjoy!)

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, its characters, or anything else but this fic.

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**Who Killed Me?**

Who killed me?

The villagers did.

All of them had a part in the murder. They killed me slowly. Every single day, their hate for me was a small dose of venom that was injected into my system. With each dose, my system became more and more decayed and empty. I tried to hold them off, but it kept coming. It kept coming even now, when I'm already a Jounin. The final blow came just prior to the wedding.

"What wedding", you ask?

It all started a few days ago, when the announcement came for the wedding of Hinata and Kiba. Needless to say, I was shocked. The incident left me numb and acting quiet and morose – obviously quite out of character for me...Hinata? The very one whom I had a secret crush on? Honestly, I never had feelings for her back when we were still Genins, but as we progressed as ninjas, my feelings for her grew...no, I never told her. Now, she's getting married to her partner, Kiba Inuzuka.

The wedding invitations came a day after, with Hinata herself delivering one to me. She only sees me as a friend, as someone who helped her come out of her shell and excel. She never knew my feelings for her grew as she matured and blossomed into a vibrant, beautiful young woman.

Why won't she stab me in the heart while she's at it? I could only grunt and nod slightly at her smile and invitation. How could this be? I was supposed to be the one getting married to her! I was too slow. Kiba beat me to her...later on, I heard how Kiba beat the odds to win her hand in marriage. Easier said than done considering this is the rigid Hyuuga clan we're talking about. Yes, he even won the respect and blessing of Hyuuga Hiashi. I didn't even know that Hinata and Kiba had feelings for each other. They were just teammates...right?

Oh, I went to the wedding. It was a lavish one, since the Hyuuga clan is one of the oldest, most prestigious one in the village. The ninjas were there: Sakura, Ino, Neji, Shikamaru, Rock Lee, our senseis - everybody. Everyone was all dressed up, giving congratulations to the bride and groom, chattering amongst them, all filled with excitement, joy, and anticipation. My heart was filled with grief and my feelings were threatening to erupt as I gave them a greeting and my congratulations. I was truly happy for them, but at the same time, my insides were tearing up.

Hinata was truly a sight to behold. Her makeup accentuated her blossomed feminine features. Her body had become leaner and has obtained its womanly curves. Her porcelain face has lost all traces of its former childish look and has developed into a real woman's. Her white wedding gown was simply stunning. Kiba had his wild mane tamed down a bit. He was grinning from ear to ear, barely able to contain his happiness. He was dressed in a simple but elegant black suit.

The ceremony went with a leisurely pace, everyone enjoying the day as sunlight poured in through the many windows surrounding the church. It was a beautiful day. And everyone was feeling great.

Everyone but me.

A storm was brewing inside of me.

I was gritting my teeth, forcing and repressing the Kyuubi down. He, along with my feelings, was screaming at me to unleash him and kill all and level the village. I wanted to, but my conscience would never allow it. I was holding it all down by sheer willpower.

A knife slices off a sliver of my heart each time the couple shares a sickly sweet look. It was supposed to be me up there. I was too slow. I clenched my fists so tight that my knuckles shook and turned white and my hands started to bleed.

I was so stupid.

I maintained a bland, weak smile as I sat in the back row. Inside was a whipping cyclone that was consuming me. I had to struggle so hard just to hold the flood of tears back.

Regret eats into me and corrodes my soul as the couple climbs to the altar together. The priest asks if there are any who disagrees to the couple being wed. Everyone knew that it was a mere formality; who wouldn't want them together?

Well, just me I guess.

I bite down hard on my tongue to repress the urge to stand up and shout my disapproval. No! What am I, stupid? It's too late! Let it go…just let it go…she's happy...just look at her face. She wouldn't even look at me when I confess my feelings to her this very second. I'd only be digging my own grave...who, in their right mind, would risk public humiliation, wait up to the very last second to confess his feelings to the girl he loves and expect her to just leave the groom, cancel the wedding, and fall to the arms of her minutes-new boyfriend? It's too late...

I tasted copper and bile as the couple shared their intimate kiss. _The knife now severs my insides and slices my heart into ribbons. It stabs into me repeatedly…over and over until I writhe in a pool of my own blood._

They were now officially married.

My whole world came to a complete stop. The Kyuubi once again tempted me to destroy everything within sight…in contrast to his earlier screamed commands, he whispered into my ear sweet, corrupt words of vengeance. I roughly pushed him away, knowing that it was my entire fault all along.

I knew, looking at the sweet glances the newly-wed couple kept exchanging, that my already weakening hold on my emotions wouldn't last, so I excused myself from the reception, on the pretext of not feeling well, which was in fact no lie at all, and quickly made my way here to the Hokage cliff before anyone else could see my mask breaking, under tremendous pressure.

Up here, I look at the entire village. It is deserted, almost all attending this joyous occasion. I sink to my knees as a torrent of tears starts to fall…

I have no one now.

No one.

The painful realization sinks into me, poisons my whole system…I take it in…I take it all in.

No one to stand by me, to comfort me, to support me, to love me.

No one.

The worst thing is that I could have been with her. I could have been the one up there, the one who has exchanged vows with her. I could have prevented this whole thing. But I was too blind, too stupid. I never saw...until it was too late.

It will never be mine...

Never.

Regret burns my whole being. It burns, it consumes…it swallows me whole.

I scream my pent-up rage and frustration at the village. I scream again and again until my voice is hoarse. I drop down then, sobbing uncontrollably. I wail, knowing I will no longer be able to keep my sanity, no longer will I be able to stay afloat in the deep sea of hatred of the villagers. I will soon drown in their disgust and scorn. Everything seems so meaningless now; even my dreams of becoming Hokage fades…hope diminishing along with my dreams.

I will have no one in his life. And it was all my fault.

Another hoarse wail goes up in the still air. Sasuke had Sakura, Shikamaru had Ino, Neji had Tenten; others had their friends and families. What about me? I have no one. I was hated and shunned by all.

I lay broken on the ground, irreparable. No, I do not blame them or hate them. It was all of my own doing. There was no more hope for me and no second chance. It was all over. I no longer desire life, since I have no reason for living. It's too much. After twenty years of facing this world of scorn, I just can't take it anymore. Hokage? Hah! That's what I've been telling myself all along. But I can't make it…I just can't. It's all over.

Flashback after flashback assaults my mind, which was already overloading with regret and grief. I hate myself for doing this…

No matter how much I scream nobody will hear me. The world goes on. Nobody sees me in my misery...nobody at all.

The village looks serene and peaceful from here, but I know that within that façade lies almost demonic hatred, all directed towards me. I was the one little imperfection that marred the perfect picture, the perfect village. I never got acceptance, not even tolerance. I could see it in their eyes…they would kill me at a mere request. The Third's rules and the terrifying power of the Kyuubi are the only two things holding them back. I have never been accepted. Now, I have even lost my love.

It always hurts to get back down to the village, back to the vat of boiling, rotten, corrosive bile that awaits me. I soak my very being into their hate. It penetrates into my bones, into my very soul.

I just couldn't face anyone anymore. If I saw Hinata again...I-I won't be able to take it anymore. Each time I will be seeing her would be like running a long, blunt rod through my chest. I won't be able to handle that...each time I will be seeing her offspring, it will be ten times worse...I won't be as victorious in repressing my tears anymore as I was in the wedding, where I sucked it all up like a real man. No, I just couldn't take it anymore. Even now, as I walk home, I can feel the scorn from the few who didn't attend the wedding. Even if the village was almost deserted, the hate is still so strong, still wounding me.

After what seemed an eternity under the scrutiny of the others, I finally reach my apartment. It wasn't really a home. It was an empty hole where I could hide from the world. I don't want to leave this place. Even if it was lonely here, it offered refuge from the cruel world.

Something catches my eye – a kunai, resting on the nightstand. I pick it up and examine it. I always place one beside me when I sleep...

The Kyuubi whispers in my head.

_Why not plant it in your heart?_

Should I?

I wouldn't bear nor care to see another day, since nobody loves me anymore…everyone's too busy with their own lives, too busy with their friends, that the friendless, the outcast has been forgotten in the cold. Yeah, why not? Very well then…I will end it all… First, a goodbye.

_"Iruka-sensei, you were the only one who loved and understood me. What's so ironic is that the demon in me killed your parents. You were the only one who showed no spite against me. Thank you sensei. You were the family I never had._

_I am leaving now because I cannot take it. See, not everyone is as forgiving as you. I love you, sensei. You are the one whom I owe the most. I can never repay you._

_Hinata, I really loved you. I'm sorry this had to happen. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. It's too late now. Kiba...love her for me...take care of her._

_It was fun training with y'all, Kakashi, Sasuke, Sakura, Jiraya..._

_Konoha, since you hate me so, I'll do you a favor and leave. Just remember that I was sacrificed as well to stop the demon…_

_Goodbye now, everyone. Have a nice day without me. Carry on with your lives...nothing to see here."_

I place the letter on my nightstand. Maybe they'll notice it when they discover my corpse, what, a week later? I then take the kunai and slowly plunge it deep into my heart. Immediately, pain seizes me. I drop to my bed and relish the pain. I feel the pain…I embrace it… Not a sound emerges from my lips. My eyes well up with tears as I recall events in my life.

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"_Can I open my eyes now, Iruka-sensei? "_

"_No, not yet…alright. You can open them now."_

_Eh? Where's his forehead protector…? What's this on my head?_

_He smiles. "Congrats, graduate."_

_

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_

_I walk home alone after a hard mission and a beating from Sakura. I walk up to see Hinata, fidgeting with her jacket and wringing her hands. "A-ano, Naruto-kun…I was wondering…if you would l-like to go for some ramen-n…I understand if you wouldn't-" "Sure, Hinata-chan! Don't worry, I'll pay! I insist!" A blush and a smile spreads across her face._

_

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_I train by myself in the forest the entire day. I am tired and my chakra is almost depleted. I drop to the ground for a rest when suddenly... "Naruto," Came a deep quiet voice behind me. I whirl around to see Neji standing there and watching me. I stand up and approach him, wondering what he wants from me. A rematch? "What is it, Neji?" "I...I'm here to thank you." My brow creases with confusion and suspicion. Neji, thanking me? And for what? Is he being sarcastic before he tries to kick my ass? He clears his throat and continues. "Naruto, thank you for what you told me during the chunnin exams. You...you were right. I CAN fight for my future. I have falsely believed in hopelessly giving in to the tides of life. You taught me how to swim against them...and I thank you." Neji...he was never one who expresses his feelings well. I flash a smile and reply, "No problem. What are friends for?"_

_

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_

I feel the warm, bright vermilion spurt out of my chest and onto the immaculate white sheets. A flower of red blossoms on the sheets as thick lifeblood continues to spread and drench the covers. The warm fluid oozes out of the wound and down my hands. Even the Kyuubi cannot heal an entire kunai embedded deep in my heart. No, not even the physical one.

I hold my hand up high. It is covered in ruby drops. It contrasts with the sapphire sky, the golden sun, and the emerald trees.

I sigh. Beautiful.

What's this? Getting poetic before I die? Sheesh.

Large tears jerk out of my dimming eyes as I prepare for the end. This is what I wanted all along – to just throw in the towel. I've been fighting so hard all my life. Is it even worth it? Have all my efforts gone to waste? Even now, in my last, dying moments, there is no one beside me. I have been alone all my life. Just what kind of life was that? It doesn't matter...it's all going to end in a few moments. I'm not sure why I've been put on this earth. I never had a happy life...always lacking care, constantly wanting attention, and always sick of ridicule. No. It's just not worth the pain. Heh, maybe I was put here to make others feel superior. Fuck that.

I exhale a long shuddering breath as I sink into the drenched mattress and my body goes slack. I'm just so tired of fighting the world.

Hinata...

If only...

Oh, how did it come to this? I was a lonely boy, hated by the world, who fell in love with a girl who was fast growing into a beautiful, vibrant woman. No longer could I cope with the strain of fighting the hurtful, spiteful feelings of the villagers. My resolve cracked the moment I received the wedding invitation from Hinata herself, and my will crumbled the moment Kiba and Hinata kissed. That was the last straw; the thread connecting me to my humanity was severed. I could still taste the blood in my mouth when I bit down on my tongue.

I start to feel dizzy as darkness starts to enclose around me.

Peace at last.

Death has finally entered the room. He kneels down and embraces me. The one and only hug I get in this miserable life is from death, who is now comforting me and assuring me. I finally feel solace – in his clutches. I hug back, grateful for his presence. At long last, I am at rest. I then close my eyes, never to open them again. No, I didn't kill myself.

It was the villagers who killed me.

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(A/N: Again, as I said in my previous fic, suicide is never the answer. Just because I wrote a suicide fic doesn't mean I advocate it. When there's a will, there's a way. 

Now, you may wonder why Naruto allowed the Kyuubi to lure him to his death and why the Kyuubi wants to kill his host. I believe that Naruto was so devastated that he was left vulnerable and open to the Kyuubi…his defenses against its commands were futile, if not just weak. And the Kyuubi hates being imprisoned and its host, so it's alright if its host dies…it might even get free, I don't know.

Now, I know I'm not that good, so I'd appreciate your reviews and CCs. Thanks!)


	2. The Aftermath

(A/N: Thank you for all your reviews! As requested, I've written another chapter, the aftermath of Naruto's suicide.

To esther: A NaruHina? I've written one, "Missing Piece". Check it out. Sweet ending.)

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, its characters, or anything else besides this fic.

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He was right.

It took a whole week before anyone actually noticed that he was missing. It took a few days before anyone got settled back to their mundane lives after the obscenely lavish wedding reception the Hyuugas held. It would've been longer if not for the special promo period the Ichiraku had; it was then that the people started to wonder why the resident ramen addict of Konoha wasn't around. Even then, it was nothing urgent. They thought nothing of it and carried on with their lives.

It started getting serious when the absence of the loudmouthed shinobi's chaos began to make it felt, gradually at first, then into full wonder. Where was that moron? The first to notice was Naruto's colleagues, his fellow shinobi. They started asking questions first, shrugging it off. They started searching for him only when a mission was handed out, with Naruto being a part of the team assigned.

The first to find him was Hinata. She peeked in his apartment a bit, half-expecting to find it unoccupied, half-expecting a sleeping or busy Naruto. The sight that beheld her shocked her to her very core. Her knees turned to jelly as she, still refusing to believe, stumbled towards his bloody form, her pure eyes wide with shock and horror.

Naruto's still form was curled up into a semi-fetal position, his eyes half open. The pillow was drenched with his tears, while the bed was still dripping with some his blood that hadn't dried. His hand was curled limply around the kunai, part of the hilt still sticking out of his chest. His lips were curled up in a weak, hollow, haunting smile. The stench was unbearably repulsive. It was too much for her.

She broke down and threw up, tears flowing almost immediately. Her delicate frame shook with sobs and wails. "Naruto! Why? W-Why?" The only answer given to her was the drip-drip of his blood. Kiba then entered the room. "Hey, Hinata-koi, wha-" the horrifying sight cut him off. He reeled backwards and stumbled towards the exit, running to tell them about Naruto.

In a few minutes, they were all there, including Tsunade. A few threw up, some cried out, while others stood frozen in shock. The question once again arose in the still, rotting air "Why?"

Iruka took it the worst. After reading his letter, he broke down and wailed, screaming his unanswerable questions at his former student's empty, lifeless form.

_Thank you sensei. You were the family I never had._

_I am leaving now because I cannot take it._

He could not be comforted. He refused to. The kid that he treated like his little brother, the one he always looked out for, the student he treated to ramen, was now dead.

Sakura recalled back when they were still Genins. He used to have a crush on her...he would invite her to ramen, greet her every morning, ignore the abuse she would heap on him...sorrow and guilt set in on her as she cried, burying her face in Sasuke's shoulder, who stood shocked, tears silently gliding down his face. Despite their rivalry, he loved him. Loved him like a brother. Naruto brought him back from the Sound to the Leaf years ago...how could he leave without Sasuke repaying him?

Neji's eyes filled up with tears. It was Naruto who changed his cynical outlook on life. It was he who made him what he is now today. Now he's gone. He didn't care if he was crying in front of everyone. He had just lost a friend. Tenten hugged him to comfort him, which he accepted gratefully.

Shikamaru's lazy expression changed to that of a stunned one, and his "troublesome" drawl was replaced by silence.

Kakashi looked glum, devoid of his usual lazy, carefree energy. His...his student... He still couldn't accept it. No...strong Naruto? It can't be.

Tsunade was struggling so hard to stop the tears. She adored him, a son to her. She felt like a part of her died. In a way, it did.

Why? Why didn't Naruto see that they loved him? Because they didn't show it. They never did. He never got a shoulder to cry on, anyone to lean on. He had to handle the harshness of life and scorn of the village alone...and he reached his limit. Wasn't it obvious that they neglected him? It took everyone to notice that he's been missing. Now they were mourning for him.

They didn't know he was pushed to the brink. They didn't know that even an energetic guy like Naruto has his limits. The rest of the village would not care.

Hinata was still wailing, along with Iruka. Hinata felt responsible for his death...

His funeral followed. Many attended, including the owner of the Ichiraku and his daughter. During his eulogy, there were many who rose to speak. Iruka, overcome by grief, could not continue midway and had to be led away by a Jounin. Hinata, between sobs, told them of how he helped her excel and come out of her pitiful shell. He cheered her on, encouraged her, protected her, strengthened her, and inspired her. She was what she was now because of Naruto. Many recalled and agreed silently. Neji said likewise. He came and gone, but changed them so much. Many praised his bravery and resilience, how he refused to give up, and his remarkable fighting spirit. They told of how he always bounced back up after a setback, how he was never one to suffer lying down. He always had to take charge. He wanted to prove himself to everybody, who ridiculed and looked down on him. His ambition was great, and so was his spirit. He fought against the demon in him. He never held bitterness towards others. Had he done so, he would have released the Kyuubi a long time ago and destroyed the entire village. But instead, he chose to channel the inevitable destruction, formed by abuse and repression, towards himself. He was so pure, so well meaning and selfless. His actions were without malice. He was a sweet and loving man. He went against all odds to go as far as being a Jounin. He fought and lived a ninja but his will was crushed the last minute, the pressure was too great for him.

He was buried the next day, with the ninjas watching the ceremony. All were morose and reverent in silence. A few were wailing. Some were silently weeping. Still some were in disbelief. The Naruto? Being buried right in front of them? It just couldn't be. The village seemed devoid of life at the absence of their most energetic shinobi. Gone were the jokes, the laughs, and the pranks of Naruto. An essential life force of the village was taken from it. A cheerless, still guilty, and wailing Hinata clung on to her new husband, Kiba, who silently vowed, with tears running down his face, to Naruto that he would honor his last request.

_Kiba...love her for me...take care of her._

It was a beautiful, bright, sunny day, like his personality. He brought joy into their lives and changed them all so much. His ghostly presence still seemed to linger around, comforting them, assuring them. They were forever grateful to him and his sacrifice. He was given a hero's burial. On his tombstone was engraved the Konoha symbol and the text:

"_Uzumaki Naruto, a true ninja._

_Savior of Konoha, vessel of the Kyuubi. _

_May he rest in peace."_

_Goodbye now, everyone. _

_Have a nice day without me.

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(A/N: No, I still don't agree with suicide. Hope ya liked the epilogue! Please tell me it made you cry...)


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